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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

"Some people are looking for a doormat. In those moments, the only thing that will do is direct, clear communication, letting them know you are not the laying-down kind of person."

This quote struck a chord with me. It's so true that we teach people how to treat us by what we allow. Your words remind me of the importance of assertiveness and self-respect. It's not always easy to stand up for ourselves, but it's essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being.

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Olu Ayo's avatar

Thank you for your comment. Absolutely. I could not agree more. I’m glad this piece is resonating with you.

There has been so much socialization that tells us to allow people to walk all over our boundaries for the sake of social cohesion. The truth is no one will hold your line, your boundary, better than you. And if feathers are ruffled—so be it.

You have to feel safe where you are. There is no healthy way forward if that’s not the case.

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Rebecca F Reuter Puerto's avatar

Understanding why another acts the way they do is key. Certain people -especially relatives- dismiss another’s boundary or belief because they think they are right… It is a lifelong lesson to learn how to respond. I have a mother who doesn’t understand boundaries- it is part of the complex of reasons why I didn’t have children… I didn’t want to deal with her - although I have had to deal with her lack of boundaries in other ways. I applaud you for keeping it cool and not just throwing your relative out of your house!

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Olu Ayo's avatar

Thank you, I appreciate this. Let me tell you your boy was close to doing just that 😆

My wife pretty much told them, you either respect our boundaries or leave.

I had to physically remove myself from the situation.

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Lisa Metzgar's avatar

Good job. This is always hard, particularly with relatives where there is so much pressure to keep the peace at our own expense.

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Olu Ayo's avatar

Thank you, I appreciate that. That is so true. I have to remind myself to seek a true peace where all boundaries are respected and not a brittle one that leaves you feeling trampled on.

How do you hold your line, when it comes to the boundaries you've set?

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Lara's avatar

It must have been really tough for you. I can’t imagine what I would have done if I were in the exact same position as you.

Your reaction was normal and I think sometimes you have to increase the tone of your voice to enunciate your point or they’ll never see or understand your grievances.

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Olu Ayo's avatar

Thank you, I appreciate the support. They definetly weren’t hearing me or my wife hence why we had to keep repeating ourselves. It was bad.

However, I think it established going forward the bright lines of our boundaries and I feel it was a necessary moment of growth for me.

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K.Lynn Grey's avatar

You did the right thing. And if you raised your voice it's because you weren't being listened to.

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Olu Ayo's avatar

I appreciate that. Thank you. It was tough moment for me to be sure.

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